I’ve noticed a pattern in my mother, who is 65. She does get tired often, but that’s because she keeps herself very busy. She practically has a part-time job caring for her granddaughters. She takes them to school and picks them up after school. She drives them to basketball practice and in the past, cheer practice. And she oversees their homework, gives them snacks, and supervises them until one of their parents picks them up. It’s a lot of work!
In my opinion, being a grandparent is overrated nowadays. Not for everyone, so please don’t get upset. This is a personal perspective. Think about it, many households require both parents to work, yet for my father and my mother, they had one parent home (usually their mother). For my husband, his father worked a couple of hours per day because he owned his own business and had more flexibility. For me, my own mother worked part-time while me and my siblings were in school, which made her available for all hours we were outside of school. Today? Not the case. My sister and her husband work. She as a teacher, and he as a police officer with random and late hours.
The pattern I’ve noticed is this, my mother is either very tired she doesn’t want to have anything to do with us, and wishes to be alone to watch her shows and enjoy her wine, or she desperately wants to hang out and shop, grab a meal out, and do some beauty care, like dyeing her hair at home.
That’s where I come in when I provide my mother with some elderly care. I’m her shopping buddy. I’m her respite when she can’t pick up the girls. I’m the one who colors her hair at home and I’m available to grab a bite to eat somewhere. And I don’t have children.
This may seem harsh, but I don’t need my mother. All we have is our companionship to nurture.
I’d like to say, which I sort of know by now, that I am more of a friend than anything. My sister sees my mom as the nanny for her own kids, so she needs her for that more than she needs her as a friend. My brother lives with my mother to help around the house and what not, so they still have that mother-son relationship with shared chores and their own alone time from each other. Then there is me, the child who lives nearby but is available when my mom needs me.
That’s one reason I think being a grandparent is overrated. We think it’s all play and cuddles, but today I believe grandparents are workers and demanded from. It makes me sad to see how tired new grandparents are. I don’t believe that’s anyone’s fault. I hope one day soon families with children will earn higher wages so grandparents can be friends with their grandchildren.